Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
