its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
