I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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