Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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