I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
