not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
