I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
