She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
