I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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