If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
