You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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