just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
