my sisters under your porch take her home
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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