I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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