Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize