I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
