Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
