I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
