Me. At least after what I've been through.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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