I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
