The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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