no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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