you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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