Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
