OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
