He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
