So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
