he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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