We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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