why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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