well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
