And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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