The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
