Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
