when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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