It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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