Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
