Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
  Replies (107) Good night (904) Bad night (14813)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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  (832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo
  Replies (21) Good night (5502) Bad night (1191)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm

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  (303): I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm http://tfl.nu/jf8q
  Replies (16) Good night (647) Bad night (4851)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g

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  (508): There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g http://tfl.nu/5ffp
  Replies (77) Good night (3329) Bad night (646)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".

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  (636): Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional". http://tfl.nu/cis7
  Replies (10) Good night (4358) Bad night (686)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

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  (208): She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement. http://tfl.nu/tf3a
  Replies (6) Good night (2507) Bad night (980)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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  (416): I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him". (416): That's about an "8" on normal scales. http://tfl.nu/joyf
  Replies (7) Good night (2683) Bad night (883)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Damn you and your Monday night power hours.

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  (207): Damn you and your Monday night power hours. http://tfl.nu/3ta4
  Replies (2) Good night (1381) Bad night (692)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.

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  (407): I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down. http://tfl.nu/6857
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (896)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.

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  (907): Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today. http://tfl.nu/sot5
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (522)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.

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  (918): I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims. http://tfl.nu/k6sh
  Replies (3) Good night (1703) Bad night (638)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing

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  (360): I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing http://tfl.nu/tjmj
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (1151)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (426)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.

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  (503): Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick. http://tfl.nu/mpmj
  Replies (9) Good night (592) Bad night (306)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.

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  (270): I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation. http://tfl.nu/mu7l
  Replies (3) Good night (198) Bad night (409)

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