Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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  (330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zuj3
  Replies (61) Good night (2286) Bad night (4522)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.

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  (813): I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester. http://tfl.nu/cawp
  Replies (25) Good night (3249) Bad night (892)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (68) Good night (18456) Bad night (1601)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

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  (630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q
  Replies (20) Good night (1311) Bad night (5626)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

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  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (17) Good night (9192) Bad night (985)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.

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  (828): I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm. http://tfl.nu/jyta
  Replies (19) Good night (862) Bad night (4716)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.

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  (214): look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT. http://tfl.nu/esfv
  Replies (4) Good night (2825) Bad night (732)
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  (310): View more from California

  She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.

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  (310): She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning. http://tfl.nu/tu4n
  Replies (4) Good night (876) Bad night (1537)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity

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  (314): Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity http://tfl.nu/auuk
  Replies (6) Good night (1152) Bad night (575)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.

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  (402): You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair. http://tfl.nu/auy6
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (1162)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.

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  (734): I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play. http://tfl.nu/5k4o
  Replies (6) Good night (1313) Bad night (564)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

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  (727): I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/f77x
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (512)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.

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  (708): Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important. http://tfl.nu/v8rd
  Replies (8) Good night (812) Bad night (407)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed

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  (614): I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed http://tfl.nu/qw2u
  Replies (0) Good night (684) Bad night (402)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.

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  (864): Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement. http://tfl.nu/mb59
  Replies (8) Good night (635) Bad night (347)

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