Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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