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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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  21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

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• (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you

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