now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
