im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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