The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
