If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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