i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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