i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
