i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
