And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
