idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
