I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
