I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
