I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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