Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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