I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
