Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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