"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
