Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.