Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  You smell like a Billy Joel song

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  (315): You smell like a Billy Joel song http://tfl.nu/8lk7
  Replies (7) Good night (737) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara

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  (740): hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara http://tfl.nu/38gp
  Replies (14) Good night (624) Bad night (5214) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

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  (803): that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins http://tfl.nu/u9n2
  Replies (23) Good night (7996) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

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  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2237) Bad night (3285) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

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  (865): I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out... (615): Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again http://tfl.nu/gvsb
  Replies (15) Good night (1571) Bad night (3991)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome

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  (419): apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome http://tfl.nu/v148
  Replies (15) Good night (3795) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

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  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4708) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me

  (516): View more from New York

  he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york

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  (516): drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me (516): he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york http://tfl.nu/5sdf
  Replies (3) Good night (2142) Bad night (671)
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  (213): View more from California

  I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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  (213): I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus http://tfl.nu/i6gi
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (1656) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit

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  (815): I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit http://tfl.nu/a7ne
  Replies (13) Good night (786) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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  (831): I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible. http://tfl.nu/g067
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.

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  (610): You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me. http://tfl.nu/fg9o
  Replies (1) Good night (1045) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Circle of life?

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  (228): Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life. (601): Circle of life? http://tfl.nu/blw3
  Replies (1) Good night (284) Bad night (805)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors

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  (860): You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors http://tfl.nu/ik36
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

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  (423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off. http://tfl.nu/yele
  Replies (17) Good night (2749) Bad night (175)

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