We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
