you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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