please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
