He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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