dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
