Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
