so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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