He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How's work?
Spinning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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