Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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