I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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