the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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