i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
