): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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