The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize