so let's talk penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
